By Jill
Most people do not realize that chronic pain and/or chronic illness has two layers: the pain itself, and the loneliness and isolation that chronic pain/illness brings.
Is there a purpose of Pain and Suffering? We do not always need to make a meaning behind our pain.
This article may help someone transform their pain into a deeper meaning.
The goal of the article is not to educate everyone on all illnesses or offer solutions, but to offer understanding of what chronic pain and illnesses may be like so you can better support your family, friends, and community.
Possible Deeper Purposes of Your Suffering (We do not always need to turn our pain into a lesson):
1. Empathy Expansion
After being sick in the hospital on and off when I was in my 20s and 30s due to severe anaphylaxis (allergic reactions) and having to navigate my health, it taught me how to understand the struggle my Grandmother was going through when she explained to me that she had Parkinson’s Disease. I used to not know what it was like to struggle or suffer or go to scary appointments so if someone said something, I wouldn’t know what to say.
I think many people who haven’t experienced hospital visits and tests would not really know what to say or think. The experiences I had allowed me to be there for my Grandmother and also comfort her in ways I wouldn’t know she needed if I had not been through some things myself.
It is important to not invalidate someone when they tell you something about their health or pain. For example, “You will be fine,” or “It is not that bad…” or “At least you ____ or don’t ____.” Being silent or ignoring what they said is also invalidating.
From the perspective of the person sharing, silence can convey a lack of care, interest, or empathy, making them feel unseen and their experience dismissed.
Some examples of validating responses are:
- “I can see that this is a lot to deal with.”
- Legitimizing: “Your symptoms are real, even if the tests don’t explain them yet.”
- Empathy: “That sounds uncomfortable and frustrating. I understand why you’d be concerned.”
- Supportive curiosity: “Tell me more about when this happens so I can understand better.”
- Partnership: “Let’s track this together so we can give your provider a clear picture.”
- Respecting effort: “You’ve done a lot of work to monitor this.”
- Safety‑anchored: “If it feels worse or changes suddenly, it’s important to reach out right away.”
After having chronic pain the last few years too, I realized suffering helped me have an idea of the isolation chronic pain can cause. I also met a technician at a CT Scan whose brother has Crohn’s Disease and his brother went on to be a Gastroenterologist to help others with the same condition. We were talking about how isolating illnesses can be and it is hard to even tell someone the struggle and often, they don’t understand.
How can we turn our Pain and Suffering into meaning that better serves us and others?
Try to see how any pain you had or a failure, a loss can have meaning and help you understand others.
Sometimes giving a deeper meaning to the pain is helpful because it feels the pain was not in vain or senseless. Turning pain into transformation can benefit anyone whether you suffered a loss of a job or if you suffer from a chronic illness.
2. Resilience & Identity Shift
Online content mentions manifesting even in a way that places blame on a sick person as though they “manifested it.” Then we want to be better and not the “sick version” of ourselves and anchor a “well version,” but ignoring actual physical issues or symptoms is dangerous.
Physical suffering forces you to set new boundaries and author clarity about who you are beyond illness. It’s not about glorifying pain, but about recognizing how it reshapes identity.
Symptoms, pain and illness are data to tell you something is wrong, needs change, correction, or even that your mind needs stress reduction to help in healing.
Chronic illness and chronic pain can lead to having to change careers, stop working, and identity shifts. These losses cause grief.
After losing my identity as a long‑distance, sponsored runner and musician, I had to find new interests, hobbies, and identities.
3. Humility Without Collapse
Terrible pain and illness is humbling. You look at others’ struggling after you experienced it yourself. Seeing people who cannot walk or run has a different lens after you realize the struggle it is to get dressed, go outside, or even look for anything in your house.
4. Signal vs. Judgement
You can treat suffering as data, not as a verdict. Symptoms and pain are signals. Signals can lead to solutions and problem‑solving.
You may experience judgements, but know who you were and are, and know that people simply do not understand.
5. Finding Alternatives to Your Previous Activities
Being judged by others and therapists reopening wounds by talking about past and current pain was not helpful to my healing. It taught me that re‑experiencing emotional pain keeps you suffering the same wounds.
6. Thoughts to Anchor
Suffering doesn’t always mean you’re being “punished or tested.” Sometimes it’s the raw material for a new narrative.
I truly found it helpful to find ways to turn pain and suffering into a deeper meaning and use it to try to help others.
Pain is often invisible. Your kindness may be the one thing that helps someone carry theirs.
