Most people do not realize that pain and/chronic illness has two layers: the pain itself, and the loneliness that chronic pain/illness brings.
Is there a purpose of Pain and Suffering? Is there a purpose for it?
How can we turn our Pain and Suffering into meaning that better serves us and others?
This article may help someone transform their pain into a deeper meaning.
The goal of the article is not to educate everyone on all illnesses or offer solutions, but to offer understanding of what chronic pain and illnesses may be like so you can better support your family, friends, and community.
Possible Deeper Purposes of Your Suffering:
1. Empathy Expansion
This week I had 2 ER visits and it inspired me to talk about this topic. After being sick in the hospital on and off when I was in my 20s and 30s due to severe anaphylaxis (allergic reactions) and having to navigate my health, it taught me how to understand the struggle my Grandmother was going through when she explained to me that she had Parkinson’s Disease (understanding the depth of it really unfolded over time). I used to not know what it was like to struggle or suffer or go to scary appointments so if someone said something, I wouldn’t understand or know what to say.
I think many people who haven’t experienced hospital visits and tests would not really know what to say or think. The experiences I had allowed me to be there for my Grandmother and also comfort her in ways I wouldn’t know she needed if I had not been through some things myself.
It is important to not invalidate someone when they tell you something about their health or pain. For example, “You will be fine,” or “It is not that bad…”or “At least you ____ or don’t ____.” Being silent or ignoring what they said is also invalidating. Some people change the subject.
From the perspective of the person sharing, silence can convey a lack of care, interest, or empathy, making them feel unseen and their experience dismissed. This lack of acknowledgment can be deeply hurtful, especially during or after a difficult health situation when support is needed most. A simple acknowledgment like, “I’m sorry to hear that; I hope you are doing okay,” can make a significant difference in making someone feel heard and valued.
Some of the validating responses are:
“I can see that this is a lot to deal with.”
Legitimizing: “Your symptoms are real, even if the tests don’t explain them yet.”
Empathy: “That sounds uncomfortable and frustrating. I understand why you’d be concerned.”
Supportive curiosity: “Tell me more about when this happens so I can understand better.”
Partnership: “Let’s track this together so we can give your provider a clear picture.”
Respecting effort: “You’ve done a lot of work to monitor this.”
Safety‑anchored: “If it feels worse or changes suddenly, it’s important to reach out right away.”
After having chronic pain the last few years too, I realized suffering helped me have an idea of the isolation chronic pain can cause. I also met a technician at a CT Scan whose brother has Chron’s Disease and his brother went on to be a Gastroenterologist to help others with the same condition he has. We were talking about how isolating illnesses can be and it is hard to even tell someone the struggle and often, they don’t understand. No one wants a food restriction so if they mention they cannot eat something, it is likely for a good reason.
Try to see how any pain you had or a failure, a loss can have meaning and help you understand others. How can it help you respond to others who are suffering? Sometimes giving a deeper meaning to the pain is helpful because it feels the pain was not in vain or senseless. Turning pain intro transformation can benefit anyone whether you suffered a loss of a job or if you suffer from a chronic illness. Especially because chronic pain and illness feel so out of control. When we give meaning to our suffering, it can help us manage the loss we feel.
When we receive validating support from someone, it can make us truly feel seen and relieve some of the burden.
Illness, pain, injuries, etc can lead to judgment. People assume you did something to cause it and it is your fault. It leads to misunderstanding and isolation. That’s a different kind of suffering.
Understanding suffering can deepen compassion for others who feel unseen.
People with chronic pain, illnesses, and injuries most often did not do anything to cause it. There’s genes…a healthy diet does not cure everything. Exercising does not fix every problem. Accidents happen.
What if suffering isn’t a dead end, but a doorway into a version of yourseld that sees the world more clearly, more deeply, and more compassionately?
2. Resilience & Identity Shift
Online content mentions manifesting even in a way that places blame on a sick person as though they “manifested it.” Then we want to be better and not the “sick version” of ourselves and anchoring a “well version,” but ignoring actual physical issues or symptoms is dangerous.
Physical suffering forces you to set new boundaries and author clarity about who you are beyond illness. It’s not about glorifying pain, but about recognizing how it reshapes identity. Identifying with an illness can lead to a cycle perpetuating more illness. The mind has power. Ignoring illness is also not a cure.
Symptoms, pain and illness are data to tell you something is wrong, needs, change, correction, or even that your mind needs stress reduction to help in healing. Often medications are an aid and some see them as a crutch, but some are necessary for someone to live. There is misunderstanding and stigma associated with illness and medications.
Chronic illness and chronic pain can lead to having to change careers, stop working, and identity shifts. This is much to go through…to lose a fit body, abilities, appearance, career and pay, etc. These losses cause grief. Not all grief is caused by death or losing someone.
After losing my identity as a long distance, sponsored runner and musician, I had to find new interests, hobbies, and identities.
Identity and self-concept is something we as humans tend to create whether we mean to or not. It is part of the psychology of survival and helps the brain do automatic processes that aid in survival and habits. Habits are much easier than will-power and are created subconsciously, but other habits can be created intentionally. Our brains naturally make habit loops in order to save energy and willpower takes more energy than a habit. That is why we develop a self concept…it is partially due to habits, the brain preserving energy, and due to social programming that occurs as soon as we are born and receive a name. When we say we are a parent, that is an identity. When we are a runner or have a specific career, that is an identity.
With chronic pain and illness, you may lose your identity and it is important to make a new identity that makes you happy and proud. It will better serve you to have a new self-concept than to stay in grief. The future may hold recovery and the possibility of returning to old identities you desire too.
3. Humility Without Collapse
Terrible pain and illness is humbling. You look at others’ struggling after you experienced it yourself. Seeing people who cannot walk or run has a different lense after you realize the struggle it is to get dressed, go outside, or even look for anything in your house and a whole long list of things you cannot do when you have extreme pain. When you are not well, it takes all of your energy to go somewhere and to get reduced pain from medications enough to last a couple of hours. You may suffer silently in pain around others just to attend coffee or a dr appointment. It gives a humility, when paired with strength, that can be the difference being between broken down and being refined. You respect others and their struggles and recognize there are silent struggles and people who appear fine physically, but are struggling too.
4. Signal vs. Judgement
You can treat suffering as data, not as a verdict. Symptoms and pain are data and signals. Signals can lead to solutions and problem solving. The deeper purpose of suffering may be to model a new way of engaging with illness: one that honors signals instead of internalizing judgements and looking for new solutions. Even trying new solutions can help you become more open-minded and you may see how one thing does not work for everyone. It gives you respect for yourself…for all you go through and also for all your body does for you and realizing you want to give your body the best.
You may experience judgements, but know who you were and are, and know that people simply do not understand. Many doctors may jump to judgements and conclusions and this can take you awhile to find cures, the diagnosis, etc if things are overlooked. Asking questions and requesting tests helps. Seeking a second opinion is best to not delay recovery.
For those trying to understand, asking your friends and family questions about their condition or day-to-day experience can help you get a better picture of what they are going through. You could look up how to better support someone going through an illness so you can be an ear, just be there for them, or know what to say. This prevents accidentally shrugging off something they are going through which can lead them to feel isolated.
It is hard to have no one know what you go through or how bad it is and no one to tell. Then when you do tell, to not be understood.
If you get a therapist, make sure they specialize in therapy for someone with chronic illness or they may make more judgements by accident and not be able to help. Some may say they have experience in therapy for someone with chronic pain, but make sure they truly are trained and specialize in it. A mental health practitioner has an is important job to help you stay safe and if they are not trained and understanding, it can lead to dangerous consequences.
5. Finding Alternatives to Your Previous Activities
Being judged by others and therapists reopening wounds by talking about past and current pain was not helpful to my healing. It taught me that reexperiencing emotional pain keeps you suffering the same wounds. It has been best for me to process pain and find forward action steps to let go and action steps towards healing. It helped me to focus on seeking joy and finding new things I can do. Through my chronic pain (I can no longer run daily), I focused on my mind…books, content, learning new skills all helped me during a rough time I had physically. New, non-physical hobbies really helped me when I struggled the most.
You can prioritize boundaries with others about their judgements and take forward action steps towards healing, making it through the day, finding new joy and interests, and solutions.
6. Thoughts to Anchor
Suffering doesn’t always mean you’re being “punished or tested.” Sometimes it’s the raw material for a new narrative: one where you become the person who can hold space for others’ pain without collapsing, and who can model living with authenicity, even when misunderstood.
I truly found it helpful to find ways to turn pain and suffering into a deeper meaning and using it to try to help others. The pain and suffering also taught me lessons and helped me grow. I wrote this hoping others turn their pain and suffering into something that can be managed. For those who do not know pain, to have a better understanding of what family and friends may be going through. Be kind because you do not know how much your kindness helped someone or what someone may be going through.
Pain is often invisible. Your kindness may be the one thing that helps someone carry theirs.